cybergeisha

Here’s a daily dose of “WTF” for you.

From KOMO 4 TV, Seattle:
When Susan Kuhnhausen returned home from work earlier this month, she encountered an intruder wielding a claw hammer. After a struggle, the 51-year-old nurse fended off her attacker by strangling him to death with her bare hands. [ Full Story ]

Now, investigators say they’ve found that the man wasn’t the burglar they originally thought he was - but a hitman hired by Kuhnhausen’s ex-husband, who is now in jail on $500,000 bail. Police say she acted in self-defense and that the husband gave the hired killer the codes to disarm the home’s alarm system. Michael Kuhnhausen denies involvement.

Just… holy crap. A 51-year-old wrestles away the weapon, and then strangles a hitman to death with her bare hands? Hardcore!

I was a Barista from the time I was 16 until I was 22. I love coffee, I loved being a barista, and I found this amusing news story and thought I’d share my commentary. A lot of coffee places are getting pretty upset, lately over people who are “building their own” latte at a hefty discount. Let’s find out more, shall we?

I was reading my newsfeeds, and saw that KOMO 4 News had an article up about some sort of local coffee shop drama… And I read a tale of some sort of “Espresso Piracy” or something. The gist of it is that people don’t want to pay full price, so they buy something cheaper and “doctor it up” using condiment bar freebies like half-and-half. It’s really common, but usually nobody really makes a fuss about it. Lately, it would seem coffee shop owners around Seattle are getting pretty upset that their milk cost is rising as people dump it into drip coffee trying to get a latte on the cheap.

In the time I spent as a barista I’ve seen every slimy customer scam i can imagine - but I hate to think that people watching the news will get the idea and go ahead with this plan to save a buck or two. The people doing this probably feel really sneaky, apparently the coffee shop owners are getting really upset, and nobody seems to care about one tiny detail…

They’re Wrong.

…and I’ll explain why.

Simply put, these little tricks might save you a buck - that part is true. However, the fact is that in this case, even if you can “cheat the system,” you still get what you pay for. The “rip-off” versions are, well, just that. Poor substitutes that are nothing like the real thing - often, they are something different entirely.

Fine - not everyone cares about the “proper’ way to make a latte, or can taste and smell nuances and subtle variations in the flavor of two seemingly identical espresso drinks. But trust me - compare the “DIY” version with the real thing side by side. The difference in flavor and smell and texture is astronomical.

Let’s take a closer look at what these thrifty java-pirates are drinking compared to the real thing. The first “Do-it-Yourself” coffee creation is something I’ve seen over and over and over, at every coffee shop in which I have ever worked.

Here’s what some customers do: they order a double or a triple shot of espresso, over ice. Then they go to the condiment counter and fill up their cup with free milk.

Doing that can save you a $1.50 or more a cup!

Shots over ice are generally what’s referred to as an iced Americano (some shops let the ice water it down instead of adding water). Add cream, and you have an iced americano with cream - NOT a Latte! What this guy is doing isn’t illegal, it’s not even against the rules - that’s the reason the cream is there. But the difference between an iced americano and an iced latte, while they may have exactly the same ingredients, drastically affects their consistency, flavor, and smell. In other words, it’s like comparing a tomato to… say… New Brunswick.

An iced latte starts with milk in a cup. The shots are pulled, added to the milk, and then ice is added to the milk and espresso mixture. You end up with “sweeter,” richer tasting espresso, pouring steaming hot shots of espresso over ice can give it a bitter, nasty taste, while adding them to the milk allows the flavor of the espresso to remain intact. Compared to a latte, this DIY Drink is a weak, watery substitute, unless you enjoy iced Caffe Americano.

Leonard is a coffee drinker who admits doing this every day when he goes for coffee. “I don’t see what the big problem is with this,” he said. “I think it’s okay. It’s free and you can do it, plus you can save a little money on your coffee expenses.”

Several baristas said they see it happen and usually just giggle about it. One said he has a regular customer who orders a tall drip in a grande cup, then goes over to the condiment bar and fills up with free milk.

Drip coffee and half-n-half - this isn’t a latte, or even a good substitution for a latte. Drip coffee with near-equal parts coffee to cream is a Caffe au Lait. A Caffe Latte is made by adding steamed/frothed milk to shots of espresso, ideally producing a foamy, creamy consistency to complement a rich, sweet espresso flavor. Drip coffee isn’t as intense and “thick” as espresso (espresso, by the way it is prepared, is concentrated - drip coffee is not), and adding a bunch of milk will cut the flavor and leave you with a lukewarm cup of weak tasting coffee.

The two examples above are just cheapskate-y ways to get your caffiene fix. Nothing wrong with that. However, this is what pissed me off:

It’s the principle of pouring your own milk to save a buck that really seems to get most baristas.

The principle of pouring your own milk? As someone who has been a barista for longer than most people are in college, the only principle I’d like to set straight is the principle of serving and preparing espresso beverages beyond the customer’s expectations, the correct way - and in a way, educating the customer about what makes a latte a latte, or a cappuccino a cappuccino. But when people start touting their “DIY” creations as “the same thing” but cheaper, it degrades that entire experience. Additionally, it also (more times than I can count) results in a customer who is angry about the “poor quality” of the coffee, and how it’s “bitter and lukewarm” or what have you.

I’d love to get a chance to get some air time from KOMO and actually demonstrate my argument. The reason to dispel this Coffee-Pirate Penny Pinching fad is to appease the increasingly agitated store managers and owners who complain about their rising milk costs.

Oh… and for the sake of the coffee drinking public’s taste buds. Ultimately, isn’t it worth the extra dollar to have a beverage you can enjoy, rather than just something to slurp down for the caffiene content?

Because if the caffeine kick is all you want… go to Fred Meyer. They sell No-Doz caffeine pills for about a buck fifty.

I’ve updated the site - there’s now a page for my webcam and two new links on the sidebar. You can now view my iTunes iMix and my iCal Agenda - or subscribe to my iCal if you want! Fun, right?

I’ve had the webcam online since 1999, before CyberGeisha even existed, so it seemed only appropriate to keep it on the site. Now you can watch me do boring stuff whenever I remember to turn the webcam on. Will the excitement never end?

Rock Climbing Mosaic by rivetgirl

At REI Seattle, mere blocks from my apartment, they have a truly monumental climbing structure. Since we can see it from our apartment, and have never gone, Tyler, Erik and I decided to go down to REI and climb before Tyler had to go home.

It was a LOT of fun. The rock is far taller when you are standing next to it, and taller-seeming when you are half way up, looking down. I made it 3/4 of the way to the top before my wrists started hurting badly (I have tendonitis in both wrists) and I feared I’d injure myself if I climbed any more, so even though I was fairly sure I could make it, I opted to come down before reaching the top.

The boys did considerably better than I did. Tyler made it all the way to the top on his first try - not too bad for a Minnesota boy! Erik chose a very difficult climb but still made it most of the way up before he got tired and came back down. He was like spider man! Tyler tried a second ascent on one of the hardest routes and made it a good portion of the way up before he was too tired to keep going.

I’m excited to go again. It’s only $5 for REI Members (which I am) and we literally live 5 minutes (walking) away. Great exercise, too. We all felt like our arms were made out of jello and feeling the adrenaline rush on the walk home. It was surprisingly fun, a really great way to spend an hour with my friends. And I’m totally not a “sports/outdoorsy” person.

Tyler and Kristin by RivetGirl.

Well, Tyler is on his way back to Minnesota. The last week has been a lot of fun. It would have been far more fun and far less stressful if it had been cooler weather. The heat really put a lot of stress on everyone.

But all in all… It was so, so good to see him again.

I miss him already. Why we only see each other every two years or so is beyond me. Damn this whole “living in different states” situation. After 12 years, I can’t imagine not having him as a friend.

This picture just makes me so happy,